Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
