Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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