so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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