I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
