I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
