Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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