its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
