Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
