I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
