Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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