wanna go halves on a baby?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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