I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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