Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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