Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Found your dick twin last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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