Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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