you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
