im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
