You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
