i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
