she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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