Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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