2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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