He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
