Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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