Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
