Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
