You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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