She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Operation Purity has been aborted
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
