Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
