the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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