YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Don't make out with my wife yet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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