I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
