my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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