you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
