There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
