So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
