$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm having to shit out rocks
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
