You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
