Already got asked if we're dating
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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