Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
