Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
