im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
