what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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