Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
