Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is Oprah even human
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
