Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
