Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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