I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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