Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
