Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
