Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
