I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
