i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
