so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
