i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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