he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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