how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
